Top 5 World Soccer Rules I HATE

As promised, I will now channel my flu fury into blasting some of the most insipid, wrong-headed regulations to be found in the world game. I'm sorry this took so long, but the research for some of these rules was far harder than I anticipated. It's almost like they don't want you to know the exact deal, eh?

I'm low on strength, so let's not waste any time... off with their heads!!!!

#5 - MLS transfer/signing structure

You had to know this was going to be on here - had to. And yet, I will breathe a little less fire up here in the five slot because, truthfully, the time to abandon this horribly un-American system and let the clubs remove those training wheels has only recently arrived.

Then again, I'm not sure this single-entity jazz ever really plays the proper note for long when alterations specific to certain players (and certain teams?) are routinely made at the drop of a hat. If the league owners are as shrewd as MLS says, then let them prove it.

As far as I'm concerned this is a "cap" on competition, and it's high time to pop it. Saying it would create problems is bunk; current set-up included, what doesn't create problems?

Naturally, since MLS is stalling in a major way on raising the laughable current squad limit (only 18 Senior roster members) and insists there can be no budge on cramming matches around FIFA international dates, my gripe will almost certainly be in vein for years to come.

#4 - Premier League press hoops

This is the only one of the five that has absolutely nothing to do with the game on the field, but on the plus side for you, it really infuriates me. In my head, I'm nearly smashing things... oops! There went my imagination's coffee table, which now is fused in a heap with my imagination's vacuum cleaner.

Here's the deal: if you aren't affiliated with a rights-holder (such as Sky), a shameless British rag (such as take your pick from the extensive buffet) or a massive name from abroad (such as Sports Illustrated), you are probably out of luck gaining a press ticket unless you... get this... fork over a couple grand a season to obtain liability insurance for your presence in the stadium.

The powers that be like to claim it's to raise the quality level of coverage, but since when is high popularity equal to high quality? Ace of Base sold over 20 million albums, while Ben Folds Five decided to split up because of low sales. Two and a Half Men regularly pulls over 15 million viewers for an episode, but Arrested Development was essentially catapulted off of television by its own network. For crying out loud, you're English! Spice Girls!

Intended or not, the main effect of the regulation is freezing out the little guy. And, truth be told, some of the medium-sized guys as well. The likes of The Mirror, ESPN or France Football won't even notice that fiscal scratch, but trust me, there are plenty of quality reporters who can't afford to pay to go to work.

By the way, I'd give you the exact tab figure, but it seems to be a secret. After searching online for 45 minutes, I gave up. I can't even find info on where to apply for the license on official club sites.

I'm not exactly sure what damage they think a writer from a smaller outlet would cause, especially considering these types won't ever have a chance to pop post-game questions at players or coaches, as you would at ohhhh basically every other possible type of soccer competition on the planet. It's nothing but a long arm to keep the media giants at the advantage.

On top of all that, these wily cretins (owned by the Prem and its three-tiered support structure Football League) actually have the temerity to charge £266 plus VAT to print an upcoming EPL fixture list one solitary time. After threatening a coverage blackout this past summer, English newspapers can now get a full season of schedule use for the bargain price of about £10K, while stretching the feature to a daily's website adds around £25K to the bill.

If I recall correctly, the photo license (which one must have even when using photos the league and clubs don't own in the slightest) runs in the £1K neighborhood for a season - not super hideous by these standards. I won't even go into what they charge to show video highlights. Use your imagination... then double that sum and you're probably in the park.

And where does all this money go from filching the people who help make it the world's most popular sports league ever? To the Prem, and the Football League, and a 25% cut for Scotland's Premier League.

Charging reporters to cover your event - I can die now, I've heard everything.

UPDATE: I've firmed up a few of the monetary figures. Just additional research info after the post, that's all.

#3 - Dropping the World Cup rotation

Or more to the point, dropping it before making a full circle. To see the whole picture let's rewind just a bit to 2006, which saw a Germany World Cup followed by the installation of a plan to bar any continent from repeating as hosts until each of the others had been granted a turn.

South Africa was awarded the 2010 edition, while Brazil earned the right to welcome the world in 2014. And that, folks, is as far as the wheel spins. Last October, FIFA overturned the policy, opening up the 2018 bidding (which is expected to see proposals from England, Portugal/Spain and perhaps even a Benelux ring toss).

Now look at this all from a CONCACAF perspective. We have not hosted since the U.S. threw the most-attended World Cup party in 1994, a span of six tourneys counting up to 2018. Tucked between France '98 and Germany '06 was an Asian festival in 2002.

So that makes: Europe. Asia. Europe. Africa. South America... erm... hold on a minute there, bub. Seems we're missing a continent in that role call.

Sure, it's conceivable that the United Stated, Mexico and Canada could all bid for 2018, but does anyone out there believe this nod will go to any country not named "England"? I'm going to simply assume that CONCACAF has been shined on until at least 2022.

This reaks heavily of an attempt to hurry the tournament back to Europe. And while, the Old World is a great host for several reasons (most notably for me, the relative ease in travel from city to city), wasn't the entire point of the rotation to spread the duties around fairly in hopes of expanding the sport's fan reach and financial take in other places?

As we sometimes must ask of FIFA: do YOU even know what you're doing?

#2 - UEFA host stadium requirements

Allow me to introduce you to BATE.

BATE, as you may or may not know, are the first club from Belarus to ever make it to the group stage of the Champions League. The roster is primarily staffed with local boys, who made extra good when they bumped off Anderlecht and Levski Sofia in the final two qualifying rounds.

Considering the massive accomplishment, one would think the idea of a first ever Champions League group stage match being held at the Haradzki sounds positively crackling. What a night it would be to see Juventus, Real Madrid and nearby Russia's UEFA Cup holders Zenit St. Petersburg come to the humble city of Borisov to face the town's sons!!

Problem is, there won't be any such nights to tempt glorious fireside tales for years to come. UEFA decided that BATE's home ground wasn't up to snuff and moved their "home" games to Minsk's Dinamo Stadium.

Since the Haradzki's 5,500-seat capacity nearly doubles the federation's minimum to host a group stage game (3,000), one would presume the blow was dealt in the name of lighting wattage worries. Or maybe it was just a simple case of snobbery against an admittedly minimalist feel to the place. Either way, it's a complete load of crap. Big clubs have their home advanatages, but the mini-mite can't have theirs.

You won't catch gutsy BATE feeling sorry for themselves, though - they just posted a 2-2 draw at Juventus on Matchday 2.

#1 - UEFA's Away goal rule extending to extra time

While they aren't the only ones to feature this insipid dynamic (World Cup qualifiers have it too), I'm going to work my final bodyslam on Europe again. This has been gnawing at me for years, but they're big boys and I'm sure they can take it.

This time, we are going to discuss a flawed rule usage that has cost many clubs advancement in the Champions League and UEFA Cup. Forget most of those other competitions; this is where the big money and prestige is lost by lame math.

I have no problem at all with the away goals rule in general. When two teams are tied on aggregate at the end of the second leg of a knockout dual, the tie goes to the team most prolific on the road... fair enough.

Here's the rub: if also even on away goals, the tie goes to a 30-minute extra session, to be followed if necessary by a penalty shootout. That gives the second leg visitors an additional half hour (or a healthy 14.29% of a 210-minute battle) to tilt the away goals tally. Seems rather stupid to miss that nugget, right?

Just ask AZ Alkmaar. In 2005, the Cheese Farmers were a mean machine, to say the least. They wheeled their way to a UEFA Cup semifinal match-up with esteemed foe Sporting Lisbon. After the clubs notched matching 2-1 home wins, they moved on to extras at the since-replaced Alkmaarderhoudt.

Despite having this wretchedly unneccessary anomaly blade hanging over them, AZ grabbed the lead in the 109th minute thanks to a nifty Kew Jaliens strike. Unfortunately for the 1981 runners up, their UEFA Cup dreams would die a horrible death when Miguel Garcia nodded home a corner kick deep into (if not past the alotted) stoppage time.

By all proper measures, the contest should have at least gone to spot kicks, but instead AZ and fans everywhere were robbed of what tempted as a delicious final showdown with CSKA Moscow. As it was, the Russians drilled Sporting 3-0.

There are many other examples of this stark ravingly obvious competition travesty, including (off the top of my head) Bayern slipping past Getafe in last year's UEFA Cup quarterfinals thanks to an overtime away goal. Forgive me if you will for another emotional example, but obviously my memory is sharper when an underdog gets royally screwed.

Seriously, in the 43 years the rule has been in effect, how hard could it have been for just one of you knucklehead suits to figure out that it would only be an equitable tie if you shut down the away goals counter once we reach extra sessions?

Hell... I did it.

- Greg Seltzer