Tuesday, November 10, 2009

NSC's Prem Celeb Cool Table

When it comes to the Premier League, the arguments could go on all night. The debate could turn ugly. The question even secretly burns in the mind of true believers.

Which English top flight club has the most cumulative cool in the way of celebrity supporters?

The four of us went off to research five clubs each, then came back with the data, made our individual tables and then averaged them out.

Of course, someone like Osama bin Laden doesn't exactly make the cool-o-meter whir for obvious reasons - yet some of these notable names do lend a certain... bizarre quality, once lumped into their overall group. Most of our celebs are alive (we presume... looking at you again, Osama), but we did list a handful of big name supporters that have passed.

For the exercise, we overlooked UK celebs that wouldn't draw an eyelash bat in the States. Despite these omissions, many clubs could put together a rousing supporter function for famous folk.

Oh... and if you're wondering why... well, why the hell not?

1-Arsenal

A little bit of everything, from Buffy to Mars Blackmon to a Sex Pistol to royals to the master of the rock scream to one of Greg's favorite directors to the most infamous cave dweller in the world. It's not always so "cool" - but the bizarre mix factor scored points, too.

Douglas Adams, Gillian Anderson, Osama Bin Laden, Fidel Castro, George Clooney, Paulo Coelho, Jackie and Joan Collins, Kevin Costner, Dave Davies & Ray Davies (the Kinks), Dido, Steve Earle, Colin Firth, David Frost, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nick Hornby, Wyclef Jean, former Poland president Aleksander Kwaśniewski, Spike Lee, Chris Lowe (Pet Shop Boys), Michael Moore, Alan Parker, Piers Morgan, Prince Harry, Freddie Prinze Jr., Queen Elizabeth, Andrew Ridgeley (the other guy from Wham!), Gavin Rossdale, Johnny Rotten, Chloe Sevigny, David Soul, Rachel Stevens, Roger Waters, Will Wheaton


2-Chelsea


Volume, volume, volume... and a mighty impressive list... just not quite up to championship level. My apologies if that sounds familiar, Blues supporters. It was stated without symbolic implication.


Damon Albarn (singer, Blur/Gorillaz), Lord Richard Attenborough, Michael Caine, David Baddiel (comedian and co-author of 'Three Lions'), Lloyd Cole, Bruce Dern, Roddy Doyle (author), Pat Cash, Sebastian Coe (Olympic gold, WR holder and head of London 2012), Minnie Driver, Will Ferrell, Joseph Fiennes, Jason Fleming (Snatch), Dick Francis (thriller writer), Martin Gore (Depeche Mode), Dervla Kirwan, Nigella Lawson, Tim Lovejoy, Paul Oakenfold (DJ), Sienna Miller, Bill Nighy, Simon Pegg, Gordon Ramsey, Steve Redgrave (gold medalist in five Olympics), Tara Reid, Busta Rhymes, Guy Richie, Vidal Sassoon, Joe Strummer, Suggs (singer, Madness), Tracey Thorn (singer, Everything But the Girl), Raquel Welch, Renee Zellweger

3-Everton

The Toffees win Mersey bragging rights with a rather creative group.

Ian Astbury (singer, the Cult), Ian Bell (singer, Gomez), Pete Best (early Beatles drummer), Helena Bonham-Carter, Paul & Oliver Collyer (Creators of Championship Manager, aka Football manager), Matt Dawson (England rugby player), Dame Judy Dench, Nate Dogg, John Hurt, Jay-Z, John Lennon, Sir Paul McCartney, Liz McClaron (Atomic Kitten), Roger McGough (Poet Laureate of Liverpool), Damon Minchella (bassist, incl. the Who), Gil Norton (producer, the Pixies), Sylvester Stallone



4-Liverpool

There's definitely enough class in this club's celebrity ranks to earn a Champions League spot.


Cheri Blair (Tony's wife), Chris de Burgh, Mel C (Spice Girls), Darren Clarke (golf), Laura Davies (golf), Elvis Costello, Daniel Craig, Dr. Dre, Natasha Hamilton (Atomic Kitten), Samuel L Jackson, Angelina Jolie, Ian McCulloch (singer, Echo & the Bunnymen), Mike Myers, Chad Ochocinco, Pope John Paul II, Joss Stone, Billy Bob Thornton

5-Fulham

The Cottagers pack a lot of cool into a small group package.


Lily Allen, Tony Blair, Pierce Brosnan, Ben Chaplin, Max Clifford (publicist par excellence), Tony Curtis, Hugh Grant, Nigel Havers, Liz Hurley, Michael Jackson, Hugh Laurie, Kate Nash, Sade, Benicio del Toro

6-West Ham United


A deep, impressive cheering section that earns a Europa League invite.

Billy Bragg, Russell Brand, Frank Bruno, McCauley Culkin, Bruce Dickinson (singer, Iron Maiden), Danny Dyer (actor/ chairman of non-League Greenwich Borough), Keith Flint (singer, Prodigy), Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead), Alf Garnett (original model for Alfie Bunker), David Gest (Liza's ex-husband), Richard E. Grant (actor), Alfred Hitchcock, Keira Knightley, Lennox Lewis, Kyle McLachlan, Andy Murray (tennis), Barack Obama, Katy Perry, Terence Stamp, Rod Stewart, Ray Winstone, Elijah Wood


7-Aston Villa

It's all very dark and musical until you add Tom Hanks and Prince William. This could make for an interesting pub table. And if the top six bag domestic cup silver, they'd manage a place in Europe, to boot.

Geezer Butler (Black Sabbath), Tom Hanks, Nigel Kennedy, Simon Le Bon, Ocean Colour Scene, Ozzy Osbourne, Oliver Phelps, Prince Edward, Prince William, Amy Winehouse

8-Tottenham


Spurs aren't bad off, but they'd probably have hoped for a higher finish. Again, just to clarify, I am not trying to strike a nerve.


Ted Baker (fashion designer), Jeff Beck, Kenneth Branagh, Emma Bunton (Spice Girls), Phil Collins, Patsy Kensit, Jude Law, Ray Liotta, Mario Vargas Llosa (author), Gabriel Garcia Marquez (author), Steve Nash, J.K. Rowling, Salman Rushdie, Bill Simmons (ESPN), Jerry Springer, Alan Sugar, Shania Twain

9-Wolverhampton

The Wolves pack is small, but Idle and Plant go a looooong way towards their cool rating.


Peter Baker (golfer), Eric Idle, Robert Plant, Kevin Rowlands (singer, Dexy's Midnight Runners)

10(tie)-Birmingham


In a stunning finish, perhaps attributable to Mike Skinner's presence before the judging of some of his fans, the Brums avoid any relegation scrapes.


Nigel Clarke (musician), Beverly Knight (singer), Jeff Lynne (ELO, Traveling Wilburys), James Phelps, Mike Skinner (The Streets), UB40, Roy Wood (ELO)


10(tie)-Manchester United


Say it ain't so, Sir Alex!!


Richard Ashcroft (The Verve), Zoe Ball (British TV & radio personality, wife of Fatboy Slim), Victoria Beckham, Ian Brown (the Stone Roses), Tim Burgess (the Charlatans), Steve Coogan, David Gray, Peter Hook (Joy Division/New Order), Mike Score (Flock of Seagulls), Simply Red, Justin Timberlake

10(tie)-Sunderland


With master thespian O'Toole out front, the Black Cats section will have someone to rouse the faithful.

Katie Adie (BBC reporter), Martin O'Neill, Peter O'Toole, Dave Stewart (Eurythmics), Tim Rice (lyricist, Andrew Lloyd Webber collaberator), Neil Tennant (Pet Shop Boys)

13-Manchester City


A disappointing finish for the Citizens... that compels the Gallagher brothers to smash the place apart.


Ryan Adams, Alan Carr, Howard Davies (former chairman of the CBI), the Doves, Billy Duffy (the Cult), Andre Flintoff (former English cricket captain), Liam & Noel Gallagher (Oasis), Ricky Hatton (former welterweight boxing champ), Marc Stein (ESPN.com NBA writer), Marsha Thomason (Lost), Rick Wakeman (Yes), Alan Wren (the Stone Roses)

14-Portsmouth


Pompey ends up easily avoiding relegation.


Anthony Minghella (director, producer) John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood (probably the most famous fan in the EPL, legally changed his name in the early '90s)

15-Wigan


Best stock up on vodka, it's gonna be a long season.


Mikhail Gorbachev

16-Hull City


Alternative rock saves the Tigers!


Tom Courtenay, The Housemartins, Stephen Malkmus (singer, Pavement)

17-Bolton


The Wanderers narrowly avoid the drop.

Amir Khan (WBA World light-welterweight champion, Olympic silver medallist), Peter Kay (comedian), Ken Wolstenholme ('They think it's all over', most famous English football commentator ever)

18-Stoke City


The Potters have one band with one 80's classic - that just split up. Down ya go.


A-Ha

19-Blackburn


Oof. Shouldn't this club be able to do better?

Jack Straw (UK Parliament, Gordon Brown's cabinet)


20-Burnley


I think we all knew this would happen.

Alastair Campbell (Tony Blair's communications director)



- Alex Abnos, Ryan O'Hanlon, Sean O'Conor, Greg Seltzer

12 comments:

Micah said...

I cant believe Stephen Malkmus is a hull city fan!

Max Zeger said...

AWESOME!!!! Greg and Co.

Simply Awesome.

Greg Seltzer said...

Thanks, Max.

Btw I should add that Alan Parker is the director noted as one of my favorites. It just occurred to me that there was more than one other director besides Mars Blackmon/Blackman(whose films I also love).

Steven Streff said...

I think West Ham should be a bit higher after that picture of Katy Perry surfaced.

Jesse said...

I think Spike Lee should support a different team, or at least wear a different Arsenal kit. Because the redcurrant one from 2005 looks might bad on him.

Unknown said...

Wait. Michael Jackson is a Fulham fan? I'm gonna google, but any explanation?

Evan said...

this is one of the reasons i love this site; great random piece of reading material that i will comb through through out the day.

i would like to say, greg, is this does not count as four "top five lists"; dont think you are going to get off that easy.

Alex said...

Don't forget Rampage Jackson for Everton!

Unknown said...

While you guys are on the subject, is there anyway you could do a Championship Top 5 or Top 10 Celeb Cool Table?

sleepylabeef said...

Impressive list but don't forget Maulding, SC's finest Kevin Garnett who is a big Chelski fan

sleepylabeef said...

ahem - Mauldin

Sean O'Conor said...

Michael Jackson was pictured in Fulham and Exeter City scarves, as a guest of friends Mohamed Al-Fayed and Uri Geller respectively.